Monday, April 06, 2009

Mi entierro

Red y yo estamos sentados en el banco del parque, como siempre...Compartiendo una litrona y fumando un piti...No tenemos mucho animo, debe ser porque arrastramos resaca del findesemana y estamos K.O. De repente Red suelta:
Red: Juer macho, yo flipo con los funerales que hacen los yankis en las pelis. Todo el mundo poniéndose fino a comer y los familiares del muerto ahí hechos polvo...
Yo: Bueno ya sabes, el muerto al hoyo y el vivo al bollo, ¿No? - Contesto yo sin hacerle mucho caso, mientras apago mi piti con el pie contra la arena del parque y apuro la litrona
R: Vamos hombre no me jodas – me mira con cara de incredulidad – Que no es el momento de ponerte a preparar comida para todo el mundo...Además puede que en yankilandia la gente esté más acostumbrada y sea de otra manera, pero ¿aquí?...En España...Que nos pierde todo lo que sea gratis...Fijo que la gente estaría deseando que alguien muriera para poder gorronear comida...Y más con la puta crisis esta...- Red se me queda mirando con las cejas levantadas, con esa expresión suya de “Esto es lógico tío ¿no lo ves? Más claro el agua”
Y: Pues a mi no me parece maaaaal...- Suelto mientras me estiro en el banco
R: ¿No? - Red se encabrona un poquito... ya le veo venir
Y: No sé...No...-Digo mientras acompaño la negación con un movimiento de cabeza, para reafirmar mi postura y picarle lo justo
R: Tío se mueren tus padres, y a ti te apetecería montar ese pollo...Fijo que algún listo criticaría por lo bajini la comida, ¿que no?.- Dice Red entre risas
Y: Hombre yo lo que veo es que en las pelis, agradecen a la gente que va al entierro o al funeral y les dan algo para comer, porque al ser en una casa la reunión final, pues no hay bares cerca para tomar algo...
R: Hombre visto así... Pero de todas formas a mi me parece raro... Que se curran unos papeos que pa que...
Y: Y tío tampoco está tan mal celebrar la muerte de alguien – Red pone cara de sorpresa
R: Tu estás fatal tronco...¿Pero cómo vas a celebrar la muerte de alguien? - Me espeta indignado
Y: Quizá celebrar no sea la palabra adecuada, pero yo no quiero que en mi entierro la gente esté triste...- Razono en voz alta
R: ¿Y cómo coño quieres que esté? Si te has muerto la gente que te quiere estará triste...
Y: ¿Y por qué tío? Quiero decir que es normal que la gente esté jodida y tal...Pero con la cantidad de gente que hay en el mundo, con las rutinas que nos impone la vida, con los difícil que es conocer a gente nueva o lo difícil que es conservar a los amigos...Es lógico que se sienta pena porque no vas a volver a ver al muerto, pero por otro lado, si era alguien que merecía la pena, tendríamos que sentir una alegría interna porque esa persona se haya cruzado en nuestra vida...¿No?
R: Bueno si – Contesta Red con poca convicción
Y: Yo tengo clarísimo que cuando me muera, quiero que en el tanatorio lleven una cadena de música y pongan mis discos favoritos, los discos que todo el mundo sabe que me gustan...Y no sé, me gustaría que hubiera cervezas, refrescos y aperitivos para todo el mundo, y que la gente que me quiere se tomara una cervecita entre ellos y comentaran de manera distendida anécdotas que compartieron conmigo, buenos momentos...No sé tío...Quiero que de alguna manera sea un momento en el que se alegren de haberme conocido, y que se les ponga una sonrisa en la cara cuando se acuerden de mi recordando mis ralladas, mis frikadas musicales, mis idas de olla...Si esto son dos días y después no hay nada más...Alegrémonos por tener la suerte de habernos conocido, alégrate porque alguien que merecía la pena conocer ha pasado por tu vida y has pasado buenos momentos con esa persona...Que al fin y al cabo la vida se reduce a eso...A los buenos momentos compartidos
R: Estás fatal tío...-Me dice Red como si fuera una causa perdida
Y: Si bueno...Un poco
R: ¿Y que tipo de cervezas pondrías en ese gran funeral tuyo? ¿Botellines, tercios, yonkilatas o litronas? - Me pregunta Red mientras dibuja media sonrisa en su boca
Y: Probablemente botellines, que tampoco quiero que la gente salga pestuza de mi funeral...No estaría bien visto ¿No? - Digo yo cargado de razón
R: Oye ¿y queda mucho para que te mueras? Lo digo por ir planificando mi agenda, que si hay cerveza gratis, tu entierro no me lo pierdo ni de coña
Y: Puto cabrón

45 comments:

Borja F. Caamaño said...

Los entierros son, al fin y al cabo, una reunión social más donde la gente aprovecha para ponerse al día con sus conocidos y, en cierta manera, lucirse y engrandecer su propia existencia frente a terceros...

Un fuerte abrazo desde el Otro Lado

Thiago said...

ajaj Quizás vas a ir teniendo que hacer ya la lista de invitados, cari, y metiendo en una hucha lo que te va a costar el guateque de tu entierro..., Morirse ya es caro, te aviso, como para que aun encima les des de comer y beber gratis.

Nuse, no es mala idea, pero cari, yo no lo veo. Yo cuando me muera a la gente que le den, total no me voy a enterar si lo pasan bien o mal. Y lo pero es que nunca sabrás quien ha ido por ti o quien por la cerveza gratis.

Y sabes lo peor de esto? que empezarian como en las bodas, a criticarte... La gente empezaría a decir que vaya mierda de entierro, que en el de Fulanito la cerveza estaba mas fría o que en el de Menganito las camareras iban sin sostén... jajaja. Y ya que te critiquen despues de muerto es lo peor, cari, que casis siempre se habla bien de los muertos, jajaja.

Bezo

Pareidolia said...

A veces cuando veo uno de esos entierros yankees, pienso en la sensación que les embarga cuando despiden a la última persona que sale por la puerta. Seguro que cuando la cierran descansan realmente en paz. (Joer, vaya tema, transcendental que te has puesto, será la Semana Santa...)
Besicos

BB said...

Pues, mira, que me he divertido.
Tomar eso de morirse con humor
es admirable. En mi país, en los
pueblos, prácticamente, se pelean
al muertito para hacerle "el
cafeteo". Y entre lloro y lloro
y padrenuestros, el chiste que se
hace presente y del muerto...nadie
se acuerda.
Contigo pasaría igual. Luego del
segundo botellín, comenzaría
el "bochin".
Mejor es reunirlos a todos y celebrar la muerte, en vida.
Me invitas?
BB

Terapia de piso said...

Es como una gran fiesta de despedida. Así debería ser.
Que todos estén dispuestos a celebrar la partida.

Subiría ánimos y reduciría penas.

Abrazos.

José Roberto Coppola

manuespada said...

Es curioso, pero muchas veces me he planteado lo mismo al ver las pelis americanas, todos con su birrita. Con lo aficionados que somos en España al botellón, fijo que el funeral acaba con los antidisturbios dando caña, pero mejor eso que el luto de Bernarda Alba y las plañideras de la España profunda, ¿no? Un abrazo.

Masakoy said...

Nada, el entierrro con banda de música, tiros y.. ¿he dicho tiros? debo dejar de ver esas películas.

¿Crisis, qué crisis?
Los ricos también lloran

Belén said...

Dile a red que hace años, y en algunos pueblos aún se hace, si hacían picoteo después del funeral...

Y sabes? cuando murió Nacho, el funeral estuvo lleno de canciones de Morrisey... le encantaba y fue lo único que pidió... yo lloré, pero no porque él muriera, si no porque me había quedado sin su compañía... una es egoísta por naturaleza...

Besicos

Shalimar said...

Hablando de entierros paso a despedirme.

Fué después de leer hace unos días tu recomendación en mi blog q me di cuenta q no apuntaba para ninguna parte el seguir escribiendo así, era de una inutilidad absoluta el hacerlo, mi fuerza nacía de la anemia de los desangrados, así q no sin cierta pena le dí al eliminar y borré mi blog.

Te agradezco por abrirme los ojos, antes de enamorarme nunca hubiera abierto un diario ni ventilado mis sentimientos pues no me aleteaba el alma como hoy día, pero y nada, ya está hecho y creo q fue lo más acertado dejar de llorar sobre el agua salada.

Te dejo besotes, te seguiré leyendo pq me encantas, y te digo hasta pronto... desde los funerales de mi viejo diario.

BB said...

Blueberry: Pongo tu nombre y no
dejo de pensar: blueberry pie,
mmmm y con un helado encima...
Por qué ese nombre? Soy nueva
por aquí.
BB

BEATRIZ said...

Vaya amigo, que sería un placer tomarse una cerveza a su salud...pero ahora que está vivo mucho mejor, por si acaso yo me la tomo ya,jajaja.

Esta linda la teoria de los funerales que hiciste.

Un abrazo

Hata mañana mr blueberry

mon said...

Estoy completamente de acuerdo y conincido contigo en el enfoque que le das a la muerte, a la celebración y al sentimiento que produce la muerte. Es algo que nos tiene que pasar a todos, es algo natural. Nadie monta un drama por echarse un polvo. Somos demasiado posesivos. Nos creemos que todo es nuestro, y es al revés, nuestro no es nada. Pues no puedes perder nada que no sea tuyo. Ya, Mon, ya. Callate ya. No hace falta que escribas un post. Pero es tan difícil encontrar a alguien que piensa como tú.

Saludos... Ah! Falta la canción, la banda sonora de esta historia...

Mescalina said...

Ya se sabe que las penas con pan son menos, y con cerveza ni te cuento.
Un poquito de música y unos focos de colores...ah, no, espera, que estamos en un funeral... :)

Mr Blueberry said...

Borja, a mi personalmente los entierros me parecen muy personales y algo muy intimo...Sin embargo conozco pueblos en los que es un acontecimiento al que va todo el mundo...Imagino que hay de todo...Abrazotes

Ostras Thiago, anoto lo de las camareras sin sostén...Gran idea para un entierro jejejeje...Hombre lo de las cervezas era un detalle, yo me refería a que me apetecía que hubiera una atmosfera de buen rollo, en vez de ser un ambiente triste...Abrazotes chaval

Ya Pareidolia, si que es un temita fino...jejejejje...Pues tienes toda la razón, lo cierto es que los yankis para los temas de relaciones sociales son muy distintos a nosotros...Un beso

Hombre BB, la idea es que se tomen algo recordando los buenos momentos compartidos...Además estaría la música de fondo, así que espero que si se acordarían...Abrazotes

Jose Roberto, has dado en el clavo, esa es la ídea...Celebrar la partida y el habernos conocido...Abrazotes

Hombre ManuEspada, no me sentaría mal que la liaran tanto en mi funeral, que tuvieran que presenciarse los antidisturbios...Eso si sería una gran fiesta de despedida ¿No?...Abrazotes

¿Banda de música Masakoy? No es mala idea...DE los tiros paso...Abrazotes

Ok Belén se lo comentaré a Red...Por otro lado la idea es cambiar ese sentimiento...Si el destino de las personas es morirse, haber disfrutado de su compañía durante su vida es una suerte ¿No?...Abrazotes

Shalimar, blanco me he quedado con tu comentario...Me sabe mal que cierres, porque las veces que he pasado por tu blog lo he disfrutado...mi dirección es bluesblueberry@gmail.com, sinceramente creo que debes continuar con un blog, porque sería una pena perdernos tus relatos...Un abrazote

BB el nombre del Blog se debe a Blueberry un comic de un vaquero que tiene una imagen que me gusta bastante...Poco más...El resto lo puedes leer en el blog...Bienvenida...Abrazotes

Beatriz, brindo entonces por esa cerveza, con otra a tu salud...La idea es celebrar tanto a los vivos como a los muertos ¿No?...Abrazotes

Hombre Mon, esa es la teoría, habrá que ver en la práctica, cuando me toque con gente cercana si mantengo esta actitud, que de boquilla todos somos cojonudos y a la hora de la verdad muchos hacemos aguas...Pero bueno es solo una idea que se me ocurrió...Abrazotes

Si Mescalina, lo de los focos sería un poco excesivo...¿Bailar yo?...No pidas imposibles, porfavor...ejejejjejeje...Abrazotes

Muchas gracias a tod@s por los comentarios

Sureña said...

Desde luego, Red saca tu lado más filosófico... y me gusta :) Y también me gusta tu visión, es bonito plantar un funeral así, intentando que la gente te despida con menos tristeza.

Y por ahí arriba lo han dicho, que lo de la comida en los funerales se ha hecho toda la vida en los pueblos y todavía en algunos sitios lo conservan...

Besos

Sureña said...

Plantear quería decir, no plantar :)

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